She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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