Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
