I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
