If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
