You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
