I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
