I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
