i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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