I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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