my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
