I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
