yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
