piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
