I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
