hotel room ftw
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
