I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
