Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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