I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize