He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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