Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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