I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
