Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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