Only a mothe r could love this liver
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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