If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
