i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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