May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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