i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
