Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize