Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
