Only a mothe r could love this liver
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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