Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
