just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
