The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
