I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
