Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
