afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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