I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
