I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
