Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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