Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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