im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
