I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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