just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
