so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
