Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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