U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize