is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i jhust puked up my retainher.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
