She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
