normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
