can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
