In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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