Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
