Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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