My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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