I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
