I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
