Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
