My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize