I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
