I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
