Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
