this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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