If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You dont lie about slip and slides
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
