do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am naked and annoyed.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
