Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do vagina's smell?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
