I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
