Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i barfeds in our rink
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
