As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
