Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
