Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
