Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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