woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
