dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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