things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
