i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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