I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my shit smells like andre
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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