Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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