I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
