How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
