So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
