nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
