I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
