Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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