i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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