I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
