i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
