I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
