sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize