I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
