I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He has the fingertips of a God
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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