I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
