and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm at about main and main street
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize