The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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