Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
