I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
