Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
