Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
