my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
