he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
