I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
