Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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