i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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