Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
